Sometimes it may seem
that your child is being just “awful” and that their behavior is out of
control. The thing is, their behavior actually may be “out of
control”.
The brain of your child is still maturing. This development takes many years. The part of the brain that
regulates behavior and emotions is the last area of the brain to fully finish
development. When this highest functioning brain area is developed, it will help to
take control over big emotions and you will see the resulting better self controlled behavior.
But until then, your child REALLY needs you and all of the adults in their life
to understand that they are not "being bad" and to help them through this process. They simply need you to help calm them and guide them through any difficult emotions that feel so incredibly overwhelming. Hunger and tiredness are two factors that
have an incredible impact on the level of control your child has over their behavior. When your child does not get the sleep and nutrition their brain needs to function well, it makes it even more difficult to control all they are feeling. Below are a couple of easy tips that may help ease your days together.
Tips to Try:
Do what
you can to provide the sleep and nutrition the child’s brain needs every day.
·When a child has had enough sleep this
helps keep brain systems in balance. Keeping bedtime and nap time at about the
same time each day also contributes to better behavior.
·Providing a healthy breakfast that
includes adequate amounts of protein also greatly helps behavior. When the
brain gets the nutrition it needs to function well, the brain is less stressed
and this results in children with a much more stable mood.
For the tips you need to EASILY help you during your busy life specifically for the age of your child....
Routines are important for calmer brains and for Families!
Did you know the brains of children really like routines... and do not like
chaos? Predictability is comforting.
Mornings certainly can be a trying time for families.
As a caring parent you have the challenge of
trying to get a lot accomplished in a short amount of time and want to leave
home with everyone in a positive mood, ready for learning … and all wearing
shoes!
Through understanding brains and trying some of the
following tips, you will be able to more easily reach this goal!
Establish daily
routines
Consistent
routines that happen in nearly the same way each day, provide a sense of
predictability for young children. The brain feels comfortable and safe when it
knows what to expect next.
Tips:
Set a schedule. When
children know what happens first, next and last, this reduces the need for you
to give constant reminders. Children become more self-directed as a result of
an established routine.
Start the routine with a
healthy breakfast. Eating
a well balanced breakfast that includes adequate amounts protein provides the brain with the
nutrients to function well. Research shows children who eat a healthy breakfast a have a
more stable mood throughout the day.
However,
eating sugary cereal, doughnuts, or sweetened juices will result in the brain
needing food again only 30 minutes later. The brain then feels stress and
releases stress chemicals. As a result a child may experience feelings of
agitation, aggression, and anxiety. Young developing brains do not yet know how
to control all of these feelings. This is why it is called, "out of
control" behavior.
Ensure everyone has had enough sleep. Sleep
enhances cognitive functioning and influences moods. Having enough sleep
contributes to a more positive mood. When the brain lacks the sleep it needs,
brain systems become out of balance. Children's (and adult) brains become more
easily agitated when sleep deprived.
Do
all you can to keep bedtimes and bedtime routines as consistent as
possible.
Provide calm activities
like reading a book, giving a massage, taking a warm bath,or listening to soothing
music as part of the bedtime routine.
Eliminate watching
television or using other electronics with bright lights prior tobedtime routines.
Provide "brain calming" foods as a bedtime snack such as warm
milk, a banana, toast with almond butter, or oatmeal with a bit of peanut
butter added.
Realize that your
child doesn’t have a motivation to get out of the house quickly.
A child’s brain
prefers to play, have fun, and to spend time with you.Your mature brain has theability to override your desires to sit and
have another cup of coffee, read the paper, take a
walk… etc. (Well most days anyway!)
Tips:
·Use games to help motivate children. These also
create a fun time spent together before having to separate for the day.
Game Example:
STOP
AND GO
Have your
child start to get dressed, Say, “Go”.
Tell the
child to keep going until you say, “Stop”.
Repeat
this with varied long and short and long periods of time getting dressed.
Turn
on upbeat and fun music. Encourage your child to finish dressing by the time a
song ends.
Use empathizing statements with an understanding
tone of voice, such as, “I know, sometimes you don’t like to get going
early.” Or “I understand how much you
would rather be playing right now.”
Sometimes just knowing that someone else recognizes feelings, helps a
child cope.
Provide choices. When children are given options
and are more directly involved in the activity, this results in more
cooperation. For example: Ask, “Would
you like to brush your teeth or comb your hair first?”.
Children’s brains
pick up on emotional atmosphere very quickly…. And react to your stress level.
Reduced levels of
stress lead to better memory, better problem solving, and increased ability to
pay attention.
Tip:
·
As tired as you might be, you can reduce stress levels by doing as much as you can
in the evening. You can give baths, pack diaper bags/school bags, read/sign
papers sent from school, prepare your work bag and lunches, lay out clothes,
socks, shoes, and jackets, etc.
When it is then time to separate for the day, your child will likely feel more ready to go!
The additional brain tips you need to make your life easier are available in the Brain Insights Activity Packets. Have one right on hand specifically for your child's age!
Good morning! I just woke up and see I am in my crib. I feel good after having all those hours of sleep. I can’t fully express that feeling yet, so I just coo a little to myself.
But wait… the feeling of contentment is beginning to fade. I am beginning to feel lonely in here all by myself. I am also beginning to feel wet and hungry. These sensations make me cry. I need someone to come and take care of this discomfort I am feeling.
When I cry, I have found that my mommy or daddy comes to me to see what they can do to meet my needs. This feels so good and comforting. I am completely helpless. I have to have someone take care of me. See… I told you, here comes my daddy already. He looks like he is glad to see me. He smiles at me and says, “Good morning Little Sweetheart!”, as he walks into the room. (He calls me a lot of different names. It is fun to see which name he will call me each time). I stop crying right away, smile back and wave my arms and kick my legs in excitement. I am so glad he is here!
He picks me up and holds me. It feels so warm and secure in his arms. I feel so special when he looks at me and talks to me. He asks me if I slept well and if I want my diaper changed. I just continue to smile back at him.
Daddy lays me on the changing table and takes off the wet diaper. He continues to talk and then stops to make silly faces at me. It makes me laugh. We are having so much fun together. Because my daddy and I have times like this so frequently, it makes me know I am someone special.
The hungry feelings are getting stronger now. I start to cry a little again. Daddy says, “I know you are hungry!” It is wonderful to have him so tuned into my needs. It sure makes me not cry and scream much.
Daddy carries me in to the other room. Oh…. I see Mommy! She is smiling and holding her arms out for me. I give her my biggest smile! I can hardly wait for her to hold me and give me a morning kiss. Because my brain is still very immature I do not have the ability to wait very long to get my needs met. But, due to Mommy and Daddy being so consistent in paying attention to what I need and then meeting them, I have already learned to calm myself a bit.
Mommy takes me, sits down, and positions herself. Because of the repetition of this process, I already know this is in preparation to feed me. I get so excited with the anticipation. It feels so warm and soothing to be fed and held at the same time. Mommy usually loves looking at me and caresses my hand while I eat. I feel so incredibly secure!
Not only does this feel wonderful, but I am excited to know that scientists have shown that what I am experiencing is having a positive impact on my developing brain. Research demonstrates that secure attachment that results from consistent nurturing responsiveness to my expressed needs can have an incredibly important impact on my ability:
·to form healthy relationships with others
·to delay gratification
·to problem solve
·to put up with the frustration of failure and have more patience
·to calm down from excitement
I may also:
have a longer attention span
be able to better manage physical reactions to emotions
have an increased capacity for empathy
feel less anxiety
have greater skills in communicating emotions in healthy ways
exhibit fewer behavioral problems
have more confidence and a positive self-perception
be less fearful
have more willingness to explore and learn through challenges
I am such a fortunate baby to have all of this happening in my life. The thing that makes me very sad, is to know this doesn’t happen for all babies. There are many babies that do not have their cries answered or have their needs met consistently. These babies become very fearful, distressed, frustrated, and hopeless. When this occurs repeatedly their emotional development remains “stuck” at this stage. When these babies grow up they will still have a focus on needing someone to care about them. Their stunted development can have a affect on relationships and learning in many ways.These children will more likely have an extensive focus on survival and control behaviors and may not have a very positive self perception.
I really do not understand why all parents are not given this information at child birth classes. Do you? It could make such a difference if this were known by every parent. Is there anything you can do to help?
There is not much I can do from my crib, except to share my insights with you. But, I would love it if every baby could have the wonderful experiences I am having.... because every baby deserves it. I would really appreciate it if you would do what you can to take steps to ensure EVERY baby develops with a secure attachment.
Now that I am fed and got the attention I needed ... I really need some playtime!
Love Your Baby Brain Packet provides EASY ideas and simple brain information for loving interaction leading to secure attachment and healthy overall development!
A lack of routine and boundaries can create stress for the brain. Children feel comfortable and secure when provided with expressed expectations, routines, and the predictability of limits.
The brains of preschoolers are working to create organization. This occurs through experiencing consistency. It is essential that routines and predictability for young children is established.
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