Emotion
has an enormous impact on imprinting memory in our brains. I had an
experience when I was 6 years old that included emotion and have the
memory of it all of these many years later.
It
was a 6 year old birthday sleep over party. There were 7 girls invited
that lived near each other and played together most days. A girl new to
the neighborhood was invited only due to the requirement of the birthday
girl’s mother. I was also invited.I lived a block away but did play
with these girls fairly often. Being an extremely shy girl I really
liked being accepted by this group and was excited to be included in the party.
The
party progressed and it was now time to begin preparing for sleep. The
new girl found a spot and laid out her sleeping bag on the family room
floor. As she did this, one girl ran into the other room exclaiming how
she was not going to put her sleeping bag anywhere new this new girl.
The other girls followed running into the other room expressing the same
plan. Even though I was silent, I also followed the group into the
other room. As I stated it was very important to me to feel a part of
this group.
Once in the other room, I turned around and saw
the girl sitting all alone on her sleeping bag looking very dejected. At
that moment an intense feeling of empathy overcame me. With this strong
feeling, I picked up my sleeping bag, went into the other room and laid
it out right next to the girl who was being excluded. To my surprise,
the other girls followed and the party resumed.
The ability I
had to see things from her perspective and the resulting empathy I had
for this girl in this situation strongly overcame my need to be accepted
by the group.
Brain research demonstrates that even very young
babies have a capacity for empathy. This is an extremely essential life
skill and is at the heart of social skills and success in life. It is a
skill like any other, it needs to be developed.
As Dr. Bruce
Perry, an expert on the development of and need for empathy, states:
"One of the most important aspects of being a human being, is being able
to be in a relationship. Being able to successfully form and maintain a
relationship. And at the heart of that capability is the capacity to
put yourself in somebody else's shoes, to see the world how they see it.
That capacity is empathy."
As my career unfolded, I became
extremely interested in early brain development research and now have
the goal of making it commonly understood…. and that goal is only to
have it understood by EVERY adult in this world! The impact of early
relationships is an area of major focus in this work.
The
brain is experience dependent, meaning development doesn’t just
magically happen. A brain develops based on the combination of the genes
a child is born with and the experiences that a child has after birth.
The pre-school years are like the fourth trimester in rapidly connecting
the 100 billion brain cells we are born with. Experiences create a
direct and physical impact on the way a brain is wired. And the
repetition of experiences strengthens these essential neural
connections.
The brain is designed to adapt to whatever type
of experiences are repeated most frequently…. whether positive or
negative. Even though it takes many years for the brain to fully mature,
these early months are the time for the most rapid amount of growth and
development of the brain… with 85% of growth by age three.
We are
biologically designed for relationships. We are born with a primary need
to get someone to care for us. We are completely dependent on at least
one relationship with another person. Through the ideal situation of
having someone lovingly and consistently respond to meet our needs in a
nurturing way brain pathways for empathy are being created.
If an infant is responded to repeatedly and predictably in a caring way, this is
going to create the feelings of safety and pleasure that her brain
craves. This will begin the wiring in her brain for relationships with
others in her life. So when infants consistently experience the give
and take of a responsive relationship the basis for developing the skill
of empathy occurs. Interestingly research conducted indicates that the
brain areas for both empathy and violence are partially similar. These
findings lead the researchers to state:
"We all know that
encouraging empathy has an inhibiting effect on violence, but this may
not only be a social question but also a biological one -- stimulation
of these neuronal circuits in one direction reduces their activity in
the other."
As a result a more empathetic brain will have more
difficulty behaving in a violent way. While attending the sleep over
party, my brain pathways likely fired in a way that found it too
difficult to be mean to the new girl.
Various versions of
interesting studies reveal that babies as young as 5 months old can
demonstrate empathy skills. However, due to a variety of situations and
circumstances some children do not experience the ideal serve and return
relationships early in life. A child that does not experience the give
and take of a relationship is simply not going to develop the brain
connections for seeing things from another person’s point of view.
However
the wonderful news is, the brain is always learning, re-organizing and
making new connections throughout life. This is called, plasticity. This
provides us with the extraordinary opportunity to make changes later.
Of course it is best to develop a brain as optimally as possible in the
first place, but it is significant to realize changes can be made
through learning and repetition at other times in life. One remarkable
program that is making an incredible difference in this way is a program
called,
Roots of Empathy.
This project is based simply on a
mother visiting a classroom with her baby on a monthly basis. The
children are taught perspective taking through their interactions with
the baby. The results have been dramatic. Humans are contagious beings.
So, part of the effectiveness of this program is likely due to our
contagious make up and these kids are “catching empathy experiences”.
This contagious aspect seemed to be the case in the slumber party
experience where the other girls joined me after I showed caring to the
new girl. The repeated experiences of feeling empathy for a baby in the
Roots of Empathy program are actually changing the brains of the
children and this essential life skill is being learned.
Indicators
are revealing that empathetic behaviors are in decline in many
societies. There are numerous factors contributing to this occurring.
So, since we are neuro-biologically meant to be connected to others,
this needs to be realized and an emphasis of time spent on the
development of relationships is critical.
In summary, valuing
the time parents have to spend with their infants and young children and
supporting parents in establishing a nurturing relationship is
essential. Additionally, for daycares and schools to have an effective
way to help children for success in life, is to have low teacher child
ratios to increase the opportunity to foster relationships with every
child. And then use the understanding that the brain is experience
dependent. Children in schools can be engaged collectively in a caring
climate and create activities that benefit other human beings.
Children
have the capacity to learn to read, write and do arithmetic … children
also have the capacity to empathize. If we truly want to help children
thrive in life ….and want to have an incredibly positive impact on our
world, it is VITAL that we place the emphasis on the development of
relationships with other human beings … This is where it all begins!
After all it IS the primary need of the brain!
This was a presentation I gave at Parenting 2.0 Talks 2014 Dublin, Ireland. September 2014
To book a presentation toward making a difference for your school, organization, agency or company send an email to:
deb@braininsightsonline.com
For further information or for Brain Development Activity Packets go to:
BrainInsightsonline.com
How exciting this is… but, WOW it is also very
scary! It certainly was much calmer and warmer where I was living the
last nine months. Now, there are so many more sensations to deal with.
I am lying here all alone and I have no control about ANYTHING! 
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