There
are so many things to think about as a parent or care provider of an
infant or toddler. But there is one thing that makes life easier for you
and better for the baby. When you stop to see things through the baby’s
eyes, or think about how you would feel in the same situation, and then
tell the baby that you understand, it helps… A LOT!
This is a perspective babies would so love for you to know:
“Throughout
the day there are SO many different emotions I feel. The thing is my
brain is to immature to have the ability to deal with all of these
feelings on my own. Because you are my parent or caretaker I SO need to
you to help me with all I feel and it feels so good when you do!
Even
though it may not seem like it, I do understand more about what is
going on than you may realize. All that takes place throughout our day
together creates
many different emotions for me.
Do you know what is the absolute best feeling of all for me?
When
you notice and acknowledge things from my perspective, it feels so
good. When I hear you share that you understand, it feels so incredibly
wonderful.
I love when you respect me as a real person.
Even
though at times it may seem that I may not be affected by things going
on in our life, this really is not true. My brain is designed to learn
through interacting with the world and the people in my life. So, I pick
up on everything. My brain actually tunes in on the emotional
atmosphere within seconds. Even seeing you frown can easily impact my
brain and my mood."
"I
realize sometimes it is not always easy for you to see things from my
perspective, but what I would love most is for you do to all you can to
try.
Then when you see things in this way, and then tell me that you understand, it feels so extremely comforting!
It
so warms my heart, calms my brain and relaxes me to have you express
that you realize and address how I am feeling. Through these caring
interactions you are helping my brain begin to make the pathway
connections for learning to deal with emotions."
Ava Parnass, a baby/child psychotherapist loves helping parents to start developing, Emergent Emotional Intelligence, in
their babies. I am pleased that Ava has collaborated with me on this post to share valuable insights for contributing to a child's healthy emotional development.
Every child is born with an emotional thermostat that can
be developed, built up or broken down. At first emotions are expressed
by crying, giggles, squirms, smiles, eye twinkles , turning
away, etc., and then by behavior. As children mature it is
important for adults to role model and help kids to develop the
ability to regulate their emotions with words so they start to recognize
and address their feelings underneath their behavior.
One Example from a Baby's Perspective
“When
I am strapped into a seat and cannot move or explore, I feel very
restrained and frustrated. Please, understand this is not a good feeling
for me and it really feels good when I feel you know that. Empathy can
be felt and understood by me and it helps me deal with my emotions"
Things Grown-ups can Say
“I know it is so hard to sit in your seat when you want to move! (Expressing Empathy)
"I
imagine you would rather be held or play." (Becoming a baby detective:
What emotions is your child's crying, mood or behavior expressing?)
“I know it’s frustrating. Maybe you feel trapped or confined.” (Label and identify the potential feeling)
If the baby is still crying ...
You
could say, "I am so sorry, you are stuck in the car seat.” Use a soothing
voice despite how anxious the crying can make you. (Empathy expressed again)
"I’m
sorry, but I need to strap you in to keep you safe and protect you."
(Explanation of why you are doing something comes after empathy)
"I
know it’s hard to wait to play or be held! Let's take a break from the
car seat for a few minutes, I see you are getting squirmy! Oh my, you
have been in it for 30 min already!" (Realizing the perspective of the baby again)
"As you get older waiting gets easier." (Starting to assist in the development of patience, resilience and emotional intelligence)
"We can play again later." Time feels like forever to babies and toddlers. (Provide hope)
Ideas For You
1. Role
playing any activity can pave the way for adjusting to transitions.
But, don't lose hope if role playing does not show immediate success. It
may not work right away, but it has a lot of value as your child develops the
ability to adjust to new situations.
2. Play with the car seat in the house so the baby can get used to going
into it. With very brief periods of fun play, the child learns it’s not
just a 'jail'!
3. Make sure the baby gets enough activity, play, kisses and interaction before they get in the car seat.
4. Talk
to the baby in a way that you'd like to be spoken too. Keep repeating a
few times in a soft voice, "I know sometimes it can be hard to sit in
the car seat. I'm sorry that it's frustrating. We can cuddle and play when
we get out of the car.”
5. Make a car
seat game. Instead of (I'm going to chase you) try instead, “I'm going
kiss and cuddle you while I buckle you in."
6.
Have a
favorite toy or stuffed animal in car. And add new ones to explore and
attract attention. In additional to things that are comforting and
familiar, babies brains also love to learn and explore new things.
7. If you
are not the person driving, read books or do finger plays with the
baby. Try fun ideas from brain development activity packets or Love Your Baby App.
8. Use a soothing voice and sing to or play music to help calm the baby. Or use fun songs and music to entertain the baby.
9. Long trips generally need lots of feeding, play, cuddles and movement
breaks depending on the age of your child and their temperament.
10. Some babies are okay being in their coat others need less restriction, so warm up the car or bring a blanket!
It sometimes is quite amazing how simply letting your baby know that you understand how they
are feeling, can make a remarkable difference! Hopefully these insights
and tips bring you and the baby in your life great enjoyment of time
spent together!
This post was co-authored with: Ava Parnass ~ Listen To Me Please.com
Her multi-media materials, books and songs encourage parents and kids to read and sing along, in the process learning how awareness of feelings “Emotional Intelligence” improves problems and behavioral issues. Parenting is a hard job and the books and songs really help kids and parents put a finger on what is bugging them and change it.
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